What is your name and profession?
My name is Miriam colon and I am 38 years of age.
I am a interior designer by profession. I work for one of the top builders services here in Texas and I design custom requests that come in from homeowners or different builders on a full time basis.
What is your home town?
My home town is Passaic, New Jersey is where I was born and raised.
Could you talk a little more about your relationship with Islam and your personal connections to the Quran.
So… I'm Puerto Rican so that's my cultural upbringing. I accepted Islam after doing some research. I studied the fundamental principles and knew what it meant to be a Muslim. I had several encounters with Muslims and the religion itself. Through my time as a youth, I was looking for my purpose in my life. My journey basically from elementary school to college, there was always that urge for what is my purpose, for knowing or just trying to have a better understanding of why am I here. My Catholic family, well they call themselves Catholic but they're not like devout Catholics or Christians. Some of them are Christians. Some of them consider themselves Baptist Christian. Some of them may be Pentecostal Christians. I remember going to the Roman Catholic Church on several occasions throughout the year. But as I mentioned it wasn't something that I knew too much about as as far as explanations went and details involved. My questions were not always answered fully. I was never able to grasp a good level of understanding growing up. So I guess that's where the the curiosity kept growing and wanting to know. So when I was in college I basically experienced the disaster of 9/11. And that's my mother's birthday by the way so it was devastating. It was a time that was very sad and the media put the Muslims out there with so many misconceptions and I just didn't understand. How can people such faith do such a thing? It was devastating just experiencing the atmosphere afterwards. The aftermath. The sadness in people's face. There were something different in the air. That just didn't feel right. It wasn't right. So it led me to do more research especially because I sensed myself becoming a little bit Islamophobic due to them those misconceptions on the media and maybe just my ignorance. It wasn't until I started doing my own research. I took a comparative religion class. I started reading more. I meet a Muslim friend. And through that I was able to get a better understanding about what Islam is. Who Muslims are and what they believe. I realized “wow you know I think a Muslim.” I just didn't know I am. I didn't know I would have this inclination to wanting to be Muslim but through my studies it led me there.Eventually I accepted Islam. I had that conviction in my heart and I thought I was ready. I accepted Islam and it came to a point where I understood my role in society.
I understood the commandments of God. Coming from a Catholic family, I never particularly considered myself a Catholic or Christian. Honestly, I was never baptized.
My upbringing wasn't religious but coming from a Catholic background I had to memorize the Ten Commandments. Once I realized that Islam also taught the same aspect of not transgressing the boundaries that God has set for us. I started to become very involved with what are those boundaries. I don't want to transgress them. I don't want to disobey. I want to be on the good side, on the safe side. So how do I do that? I learned what my responsibility as a Muslim female were and one of those responsibilities was wearing modest clothing not just wearing it but acting the part. While I was going about my life I had to keep this in mind especially being outdoors and interacting with society. I sort of had to put that in perspective and tone it down a little bit maybe. Be a little bit more conscious of my actions and there was more purpose in my life. At that point I was looking at what benefit is this to myself. The way that I'm going about my life, is a benefit to myself or is it a benefit to others. I started to think about what I was doing and why. I became self aware of my purpose and my surroundings. One of the things I wanted to dedicate myself to was appearing as a Muslim. Identifying myself as a Muslim. Through my way of dress, I've basically transitioned who I was or how people knew me into “oh she's a Muslim now and she's doing things different”. In my life it was like it's time to dedicate myself. I was determined. I made a commitment. And I started to transition my wardrobe. So that was a process and it wasn't always easy. I had a lot of jeans that were fitted like skinny jeans. Pretty much clothes that appeal to the opposite sex, very modern and fashionable. My sense of style before was complementing to my figures so much so that I was getting unwanted attention. At that time before my studying of Islam and what modesty meant in Islam, I didn't necessarily understand that I was attracting that attention. Because in my mind that wasn't my intention. So I went through the transition in identifying myself as a Muslim. I wanted that respect. I wanted people to look at me for who I am, not what I look like. No what people were attracted to as far as beauty or whatnot. So I'm not saying that that can't be the case now because people can definitely still be attracted but at first glance. I started to feel a level of respect that people would give me at first glance. And and I still feel that way until today. So transitioning my wardrobe began with wearing…. I went to my gypsy phase. I was wearing skirts and then long neck sleeves.
I realized that I wasn't wearing a scarf. I did have long curly locks and people would be attracted to that. Although I was dressing a little bit more modest, I was still getting the unwanted attention. There were different levels of that wanted attention even to the point of disrespect in some cases unfortunately. I had to learn to deal with that. At that point, I was learning how to pray and I wanted to make the commitment to perform my five daily prayers. To pray, I have to cover my hair. Then, I was finding myself having to carry a scarf with me everywhere. That became a little bit cumbersome. It was just easier for me to make that commitment, fully make that commitment and eventually I just kept it on. There was a point I remember putting on this scarf to pray. I felt uncomfortable with something in my heart like just telling me there was something wrong with what I was doing. When do I take it off? When is the right time and I would find myself hiding. Like maybe if I was in my car, I try to hide I don't want nobody to see me and think “Oh my God they're going to say what are they going to say about that Muslim lady who taking off her scarf or”.
I don't want to give a bad name to the Muslim women and I don't want God to ask me about this on the day of judgment. What is the right thing to do? When is the right time to do it? Later on I realized that I should be a little bit more easy. With time comes the commitment. And it did it, just naturally did. It was an organic. process that I didn't even realize happened and I am finding myself thinking back to it and explaining it to you now is actually like whoa you know that's sort of in the sequence but there's a little bit more behind it. It's deep in a sense. Once I establish this identity or sense of self awareness then who I am. I'm now amongst them I have responsibilities. I became more aware of my surroundings.
How does culture influence your religious practices and understanding of Islam such as country of origin or your family members?
As I mentioned, I'm Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican is diverse in itself because Puerto Ricans have a mixture of cultures involved with what. We do as a culture who we are. As a group. So. There's a little bit of you know African roots. There's a little bit of Spaniard roots just a little bit of indigenous roots. So all of that. Combined. Brought to America. Living in America. And being influenced by the American Society or the mainstream norm so to speak. I was brought up with a diverse palette of different cultural aspects. So when you ask me. What is your culture and how does that tie into you as a Muslim or how does that you know affect your Islam or or whatnot. It's pretty interesting because it's not just Puerto Rican it's American. OK. So. Well here I am living in the U.S. with Puerto Rican parents. I went to Puerto Rico every summer to learn the culture and to learn the language. I stayed with my grandmother and my cousins because our parents wanted to keep that imbedded in us. They did strive to keep us involved culturally and they did that by sending us to live with our grandparents for the summer while we were not in school. I have really fond memories and I go to Puerto Rico every year at least once or twice. My parents live there right now. My culture is something that as a Puerto Rican I can't help but to be proud of course. And then when I became Muslim, I realized there were certain things that I could no longer partake in or certain things that were not pleasing to my board and that was my ultimate goal as a Muslim was to please my lord. So I had to put my priorities where they should should have been and should be and sort of put my character my personality all of those attributes sort of poured into a filter and leave what's bad for me and whatever remains is that good part of my culture that I need to continue to embrace as a Muslim. So. Today i embrace those good aspects. And when I say good, I mean in accordance to Islam. When I cook, I cook like a Puerto Rican. I omit the pork that's important. I can't eat pork anymore. If any one of those dishes include an ingredient that has pork in it, I substitute it or I leave it out. It's just basically leaving what's not permissible in Islam out of my life. The way I go about my life in every aspect. And. But of course I have my baggage that I come with. You know I have to deal with a lot of things that I came to Islam with. So it's like it's a struggle. But my jihad is dealing with. The different aspects of character. And you know as a Muslim as a Muslim woman toning it down a bit and just knowing what my role is and how to play it.
What are your biggest influences and your decision to cover?
I made the commitment and I knew that. You know I was ready and I went ahead
I had the conviction in my head. And I said to myself you know so. Is that time. That. You know was. That time was just going to come and it's here. Embrace it. Go full force and don't let anybody stop you. You want to do this to please your Lord not the people and you understand the reasons behind it. You have that understanding. And if you really believe that you're not going to allow anything to stop you. And I think with that frame of thought. I just went full force forward. I had adversities and things that I had to deal with from family members. Some of them disappeared after I became Muslim and I would say they were replaced by better friends. And then I had those friends that. Maybe they disappeared for a while. But then when they realized what I was doing and that it wasn't a phase and that I'm still a Muslim and that they respected me for it because I spoke up and I stood my ground. And it didn't matter to me what anybody else thought about it. It didn't matter to me what my family members would say. Maybe it mattered to my family now that they have to walk around with someone who was dressed like a Muslim. But I would constantly remind them that the mother of Jesus also wore a veil and even the Catholic nuns.
It depends on who I was dealing with at the time maybe you know after awhile I there was no need for me to mention these things. It was a matter of them getting used to. You know it was like. You know well she's a Muslim now.
It's weird walking around with her looking like this because I'm not used to her like I'm used to her hair being out I'm used to her dressing a certain way looking a certain way. My male cousins are like well I can't play with your hair anymore or you know. I can't give you a hug because now there's that aspect of boundaries. I had to set those boundaries and stand firm by them. And once I did that, a lot of my family members had a hard time with it. It wasn't until years later that they began to support me in it. You know there was a lot of controversy. There was a lot of comments and hurtful things that were said and things I had to deal with. But. By the grace of God, I believe that made me stronger and it made me who I am today. 16,17 years later, my family supports me. They recognize me as a Muslim. They even sometimes praise the things that Muslims do.It feels good. So those things that were difficult back then have been replaced by a sense of ease. Well they're starting to get it get it. Finally they're starting to come to their senses and understand what it is that I'm doing. But had I not kept my conviction and had I not been as strong as I was they wouldn't have understood it. They would have called it a phase but because I am still a Muslim and because I am sincere. It shows and they respect me for that. So. I would say. It's taken a turn for for the better so I'm happy being Muslim. I don't let any misconceptions or gender role affect who I am.
You had mentioned oppression earlier. Oppression is a misconception. When I learned and it was one of the things that I studied. Because before I accepted Islam as my own faith. Quite honestly the only way I can put it to be blunt about it is. I was looking. For that one thing that I didn't agree with so I can say you know this religion is not for me. Why? Because change is difficult. When you start to think about all of the changes and all of the ways that you have to become better, it's a lot of pressure for anyone. Yeah. It's not easy. The easier thing to do is reject it and go back and go about your life. So I was looking for that thing in Islam that I did not agree with. So I looked into women's rights. When I first researched Islam, I looked into women's rights because I'm a strong character. So I felt like oppression is not right. Some of the things that I've read about or that the media portrayed to be of the Islamic religion, I realize we're actually not. These things were perhaps the cultural baggage that those people came with. Just like I have cultural baggage maybe those people also brought it to the end because they identify themselves as Muslims. So when I realized that when the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, came to the people, he came not just with the Revelation and guidance but he also came to bring rights to people. So he freed slaves. He gave rights to women that they didn't have when it comes down to like the rights of a husband and a wife the rights of a mother the rights of a sister the rights of a neighbor and the rights of inheritance. All of these things were not put in place before Islam. So the first wife of the Prophet Mohammad Khadija. She was a business woman. She hired him to work for her. And when you learn about these stories and you realize What oppression? What oppression! We look up to this sister the first wife of the prophet as an example for us. We learn about her life and how she was and how she treated the prophet. Why? Because we want to use them as examples.They're the people that we look up to that we want to be like. So. When I realized. That. She asked to marry him.
It was like oh she had a voice. She asked to hire him because he was known as the trustworthy one right. And because. She was interested in him. So all of these aspects. Of. You know the voice. The rise of the voice of the women and business. The right the the rights that she had to own her own business to manage her own money. The rights that she had to. Contribute if she wanted to you know reaping the blessings that it came with. I mean. The writers she was given as a wife. Is it goes on and on and on. She had the right. For her husband to provide a safe roof over her head. Food clothing all of the necessities. And. It's not a 50/50 type. I think that's a myth. Yeah. You know and it's fun you have your role. He has his role. So as a female. The wife the mother in the family you have your role. And he has his role. And then you have your role together. So when I understood. What those rules meant. I realized. That just makes. It just like it's so logical is such a logical religion. I mean I just couldn't I couldn't ignore it. And in my heart everything I learned my heart accepted it. And. I must say I don't see myself without Islam. Nobody is perfect but I love my life as a Muslim. I'm proud of it. I speak spanish everywhere. I want to make a point. I drive around with the Puerto Rican flag hanging from my rearview mirror because I want to make a point. It's about time people start to recognize that not all Muslims are Arabs or South Asians. There are Muslims all around the world. Islam is a religion for everyone.
How you experience discrimination based on race to cover? And if you are comfortable describing that?
But quite honestly I have I experienced discrimination. Well.
Not really. And if I did. If I did. I can tell you that I didn't notice it much. I mean. Trying to think back there was maybe this one time where. I walked into a grocery store to make a purchase. And the lady behind the counter was talking to me as if I didn't speak English. Putting emphasis on words and slowing down a little bit but I thought maybe that's how she communicates. I didn't take it personal. But when we walked out of the store, I had a friend who pointed it out and said “Do you realize what just happened?”
I'm like no what she was talking to you as if you didn't speak English. And I said Well. Maybe she didn't speak English but that's the only I. I promise you that is the only experience and that's nothing. That's nothing. And you know if I I've gotten books you know I've gotten books but that doesn't really. Affect me. It's like you know I smile if I can I'll smile. You know I think that. Even if they don't smile back. You know there's a lot of people. That I've. Come across. That Could have been a little bit nicer. I don't let it affect me just like I had to move in my you know it is not my issue.I don't take it personal. You know we all have things we need to work on.
In the media like you see violent hate crimes committed against like people like Muslim women. Has that made an impact on your decision to cover. how would you adjust your choice based on witnessing those crimes like this.
Yes there has been. Quite a few things. That. Have come about like you know shootings here and here we have reported on a couple in California who apparently you know went on a rampage with the terror attack. There has been. Some reports of you know. People maybe attacking a sister or trying to pull somebody's scarf off. I don't think that. I don't think that I am. You know. 100 percent Protected from any of that. It could happen to me. You never know I guess it's a matter of. You know if it's meant to be I might be at the wrong place at the wrong time and around the wrong person there's a lot of hate today in this day and age. A lot of misconceptions and just. To. Put myself in the mindset that I might become a victim of a hate crime.And allow that to stop me from who I am will not be freedom. It would be the definition of oppression. And as a Muslim. I refuse to be oppressed. In any way As a person. You know. As a Puerto Rican as a female, oppression is not something that I can tolerate. Therefore. I will allow myself to be enslaved in my own mind. The thing that. If I dressed like this or if I look like this. And I go out into society that I'm putting myself in danger. If I do that. I'll limit myself. I won't be free.
Is there anything that would make you change your decison?
No.
No of course.
How do you view other Muslim women who choose not to cover?
There are many sisters I know personally that don't cover. Yes. Maybe they'll dress modest though, wear a cardigan or maybe not. I can't judge them because Islam has taught me to look at what's in someone's heart and we can't go around judging people based on their appearance because there might be something really good about that person that's better to me with all of this clothes on. Being modest is more than just clothes. It's more than just fabric. It's what's in the heart. It's how you carry yourself and your values. There's a lot of Muslim women that don't cover. The question is do they worship? You know that's what we should be looking at if they worship God and whatever actions they do.Then that's between them and God. I can't judge. I can't discriminate. I'm not perfect. I can easily fall off. And to think that. That's not something possible for me would be ignorant in itself. I don't want to be arrogant and try and protect myself from thinking I'm better than anybody because I'm not.
There's a lot of Muslim sisters that don't cover because that is their choice. Now if you ask me. Is he Jabo chewies. Or is it mandatory. It i will. I will then change my answer around. And I'll tell you.
It's a commandment from God after the age of puberty. But because we have free will. We have that ability to choose whether or not we want to follow this commandment. But even though we're not following this particular commandment doesn't mean we're not Muslim. This Muslim sister that doesn't cover could be following all of the other commandments from God for all I know. We can't judge. It's what's in the heart and only God knows that. I don't view them as being disobedient or shameful or anything like that.
How do you feel when you hear people say the covering is a sign of repression and what is your perspective of countries that do require women to cover.
OK. So. I definitely don't think it's a sign of oppression. Let me speak for myself for when I started covering up. It became more of a liberation. Because I was taking myself away from the social norm of modern fashion or what modern media puts you know these beautiful. Celebrities out there. Displaying really nice. Samples of. What Modern fashion is. And. I'm not saying that I don't. Think that some of those outfits are hot. They are. I just you know know when to wear them.I'm not going to go out in public with it. I'm not going to display. My beauty in a certain way because. Everyone else is doing it. So. When I. Took myself. Out of that and said.
I want to do something different.I want to do something a little bit different. I have a culture. I want to take what's good from it and leave what's not. So how do I do that when it comes to fashion and dressing modest? So. As you can see today I'm wearing. A SKIRT. I mean you can get is that actually where did I get it. Forever 21. My shirt is from Express.
But how do I change it up? I'm not buying tight fitting clothes.
My shirt is an extra large.
It might not look like it. Maybe it's made up. It's. One size or two bigger than what. Modern.
Fashion would say my size is. You get it. So to make it fit less revealing. I sort of use these these tricks. You know still be you know attending to my fashion sense to my identity as an American Puerto Rican Muslim. But not compromising my faith and my religious beliefs. So that's what I. You know. I try to go for when I'm shopping for clothing items. And you know. I've actually been able to transition my wardrobe throughout the years to accommodate this sense of fashion. It's a new me. It's let's bring modesty back. That's you know bring that sense of respect.
I shouldn't have to be look at that and imagined or thought of in any sexual way you know feel like you know it's wrong. You know I'm not an object. You know. So. It keeps me away from being objectified it keeps me away from. You know being disrespected or put in that realm of you know sexuality. And it feels good to be outside.And if somebody does so that's between them and God. I'm not going to be held responsible for it because I'm doing my part as best as I could. God knows what my intention is. God knows what my intention was when I left this morning before I left the house while I was getting dressed. And putting my outfit together. My frame of thought was fine and something modest.
And I look at the transparency of the fabric. I look at the way at least I look at the length and color really doesn't. Mean anything in particular. In some countries women mostly wear black.
If you if you go to like Middle East like Saudi Arabia but not everyone does. I was just in Medina. I was also in Mecca at the beginning of the year and they have different styles. You know Indonesian Muslims dress different you know Chinese Muslims. American must we you know like I had a button down shirt loose fit long shirt.
It's actually a stress. I call it a dress because your dress and I use it as a shirt.
Why do I take a dress that's meant to be you know like a dress to be worn with tights and I use it as a reg'lar shirt. Yeah. You know so I play around with what is available. I wore that shirt to Saudi Arabia which is not the norm and I stood out. I know I did but I was OK with that. You know it was still modest and I was OK with that. I'm not a Saudi you know. You know I have some outfits that are Middle Eastern and Pakistani or you know Indian inspired so I don't discriminate. Yes. You know I get creative with it. It's definitely not seen in my in my eyes as a form of oppression. Now you have some countries that require that you cover in public with the exception of some Of the American embassy compounds. You don't have to cover within those compounds. But I can't really speak too much on the political side. You know just recently. Women were given the right to drive. With a bunch of regulations attached to it but they can drive now whereas before they were not. So a lot of these laws are politically established or implemented. Some of the have a basis in Islam and some of them don't.
Like for instance in Saudi Arabia. They control what is shown on the television to a certain extent. What is broadcasted on the radio. But then there's ways around that people have. Is it's I guess to preserve a sense of dignity within the society. I am being brought up in America and have seen how loose we are here. And the language that we use sometimes all you hear. Are. You. Using or the music the words and the music. The movies that are shown. We are exposed to so much more than those of growing up in a Middle Eastern society. We're exposed to it and it affects us in a way that we might not even realize.
So I can see the benefit of it. I don't knock it completely. You know. I'm not... I'm not against it. I understand the wisdom behind it. And there may be some things that are a little bit much like when I went to Saudi Arabia and we went to a restaurant.
We Wanted to order some food. We're really hungry after prayer. We were like let's go get something to eat. So we go get some tea and then the guy comes to the window and did not want to serve us because we were on the wrong side.
So he tries to explain this to us in Arabic. I said I understand a little. My friends we're all American.
There was one Pakistani but she's like recent convert as well because she just started practicing her religion. She didn't have an Islamic upbringing. The other one was a Mexican/Puerto Rican Muslim who also converted to Islam. We're all fluent in English. One and all do as a second language. The other one is Spanish as a second language as well as myself. I speak a little bit and understand more than I could speak of Arabic. Yeah.Right.
So we're at this counter and we want food. We're hungry. We're all hungry.
And we want a place in order. And the guys telling us that we have to go. He's signaling that we have to go around to the sisters section. To order from the sisters section. So that was an experience that was different. So.
We were just like what just happened? I'm like he's trying to go somewhere else. I don't know where he seemed to go but I think he's telling us to go to the sister section. So.
When we go around, we see the same restaurant I like oh let's order from here this must be the sister section.
So we go up to the counter and there's nobody at the counter. We go up to the counter. And wait! The same guy from the other side.
Mind you, we had to go around. It was like a block. It was like a street corner like Peninsula almost like it was.
My name is Miriam colon and I am 38 years of age.
I am a interior designer by profession. I work for one of the top builders services here in Texas and I design custom requests that come in from homeowners or different builders on a full time basis.
What is your home town?
My home town is Passaic, New Jersey is where I was born and raised.
Could you talk a little more about your relationship with Islam and your personal connections to the Quran.
So… I'm Puerto Rican so that's my cultural upbringing. I accepted Islam after doing some research. I studied the fundamental principles and knew what it meant to be a Muslim. I had several encounters with Muslims and the religion itself. Through my time as a youth, I was looking for my purpose in my life. My journey basically from elementary school to college, there was always that urge for what is my purpose, for knowing or just trying to have a better understanding of why am I here. My Catholic family, well they call themselves Catholic but they're not like devout Catholics or Christians. Some of them are Christians. Some of them consider themselves Baptist Christian. Some of them may be Pentecostal Christians. I remember going to the Roman Catholic Church on several occasions throughout the year. But as I mentioned it wasn't something that I knew too much about as as far as explanations went and details involved. My questions were not always answered fully. I was never able to grasp a good level of understanding growing up. So I guess that's where the the curiosity kept growing and wanting to know. So when I was in college I basically experienced the disaster of 9/11. And that's my mother's birthday by the way so it was devastating. It was a time that was very sad and the media put the Muslims out there with so many misconceptions and I just didn't understand. How can people such faith do such a thing? It was devastating just experiencing the atmosphere afterwards. The aftermath. The sadness in people's face. There were something different in the air. That just didn't feel right. It wasn't right. So it led me to do more research especially because I sensed myself becoming a little bit Islamophobic due to them those misconceptions on the media and maybe just my ignorance. It wasn't until I started doing my own research. I took a comparative religion class. I started reading more. I meet a Muslim friend. And through that I was able to get a better understanding about what Islam is. Who Muslims are and what they believe. I realized “wow you know I think a Muslim.” I just didn't know I am. I didn't know I would have this inclination to wanting to be Muslim but through my studies it led me there.Eventually I accepted Islam. I had that conviction in my heart and I thought I was ready. I accepted Islam and it came to a point where I understood my role in society.
I understood the commandments of God. Coming from a Catholic family, I never particularly considered myself a Catholic or Christian. Honestly, I was never baptized.
My upbringing wasn't religious but coming from a Catholic background I had to memorize the Ten Commandments. Once I realized that Islam also taught the same aspect of not transgressing the boundaries that God has set for us. I started to become very involved with what are those boundaries. I don't want to transgress them. I don't want to disobey. I want to be on the good side, on the safe side. So how do I do that? I learned what my responsibility as a Muslim female were and one of those responsibilities was wearing modest clothing not just wearing it but acting the part. While I was going about my life I had to keep this in mind especially being outdoors and interacting with society. I sort of had to put that in perspective and tone it down a little bit maybe. Be a little bit more conscious of my actions and there was more purpose in my life. At that point I was looking at what benefit is this to myself. The way that I'm going about my life, is a benefit to myself or is it a benefit to others. I started to think about what I was doing and why. I became self aware of my purpose and my surroundings. One of the things I wanted to dedicate myself to was appearing as a Muslim. Identifying myself as a Muslim. Through my way of dress, I've basically transitioned who I was or how people knew me into “oh she's a Muslim now and she's doing things different”. In my life it was like it's time to dedicate myself. I was determined. I made a commitment. And I started to transition my wardrobe. So that was a process and it wasn't always easy. I had a lot of jeans that were fitted like skinny jeans. Pretty much clothes that appeal to the opposite sex, very modern and fashionable. My sense of style before was complementing to my figures so much so that I was getting unwanted attention. At that time before my studying of Islam and what modesty meant in Islam, I didn't necessarily understand that I was attracting that attention. Because in my mind that wasn't my intention. So I went through the transition in identifying myself as a Muslim. I wanted that respect. I wanted people to look at me for who I am, not what I look like. No what people were attracted to as far as beauty or whatnot. So I'm not saying that that can't be the case now because people can definitely still be attracted but at first glance. I started to feel a level of respect that people would give me at first glance. And and I still feel that way until today. So transitioning my wardrobe began with wearing…. I went to my gypsy phase. I was wearing skirts and then long neck sleeves.
I realized that I wasn't wearing a scarf. I did have long curly locks and people would be attracted to that. Although I was dressing a little bit more modest, I was still getting the unwanted attention. There were different levels of that wanted attention even to the point of disrespect in some cases unfortunately. I had to learn to deal with that. At that point, I was learning how to pray and I wanted to make the commitment to perform my five daily prayers. To pray, I have to cover my hair. Then, I was finding myself having to carry a scarf with me everywhere. That became a little bit cumbersome. It was just easier for me to make that commitment, fully make that commitment and eventually I just kept it on. There was a point I remember putting on this scarf to pray. I felt uncomfortable with something in my heart like just telling me there was something wrong with what I was doing. When do I take it off? When is the right time and I would find myself hiding. Like maybe if I was in my car, I try to hide I don't want nobody to see me and think “Oh my God they're going to say what are they going to say about that Muslim lady who taking off her scarf or”.
I don't want to give a bad name to the Muslim women and I don't want God to ask me about this on the day of judgment. What is the right thing to do? When is the right time to do it? Later on I realized that I should be a little bit more easy. With time comes the commitment. And it did it, just naturally did. It was an organic. process that I didn't even realize happened and I am finding myself thinking back to it and explaining it to you now is actually like whoa you know that's sort of in the sequence but there's a little bit more behind it. It's deep in a sense. Once I establish this identity or sense of self awareness then who I am. I'm now amongst them I have responsibilities. I became more aware of my surroundings.
How does culture influence your religious practices and understanding of Islam such as country of origin or your family members?
As I mentioned, I'm Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican is diverse in itself because Puerto Ricans have a mixture of cultures involved with what. We do as a culture who we are. As a group. So. There's a little bit of you know African roots. There's a little bit of Spaniard roots just a little bit of indigenous roots. So all of that. Combined. Brought to America. Living in America. And being influenced by the American Society or the mainstream norm so to speak. I was brought up with a diverse palette of different cultural aspects. So when you ask me. What is your culture and how does that tie into you as a Muslim or how does that you know affect your Islam or or whatnot. It's pretty interesting because it's not just Puerto Rican it's American. OK. So. Well here I am living in the U.S. with Puerto Rican parents. I went to Puerto Rico every summer to learn the culture and to learn the language. I stayed with my grandmother and my cousins because our parents wanted to keep that imbedded in us. They did strive to keep us involved culturally and they did that by sending us to live with our grandparents for the summer while we were not in school. I have really fond memories and I go to Puerto Rico every year at least once or twice. My parents live there right now. My culture is something that as a Puerto Rican I can't help but to be proud of course. And then when I became Muslim, I realized there were certain things that I could no longer partake in or certain things that were not pleasing to my board and that was my ultimate goal as a Muslim was to please my lord. So I had to put my priorities where they should should have been and should be and sort of put my character my personality all of those attributes sort of poured into a filter and leave what's bad for me and whatever remains is that good part of my culture that I need to continue to embrace as a Muslim. So. Today i embrace those good aspects. And when I say good, I mean in accordance to Islam. When I cook, I cook like a Puerto Rican. I omit the pork that's important. I can't eat pork anymore. If any one of those dishes include an ingredient that has pork in it, I substitute it or I leave it out. It's just basically leaving what's not permissible in Islam out of my life. The way I go about my life in every aspect. And. But of course I have my baggage that I come with. You know I have to deal with a lot of things that I came to Islam with. So it's like it's a struggle. But my jihad is dealing with. The different aspects of character. And you know as a Muslim as a Muslim woman toning it down a bit and just knowing what my role is and how to play it.
What are your biggest influences and your decision to cover?
I made the commitment and I knew that. You know I was ready and I went ahead
I had the conviction in my head. And I said to myself you know so. Is that time. That. You know was. That time was just going to come and it's here. Embrace it. Go full force and don't let anybody stop you. You want to do this to please your Lord not the people and you understand the reasons behind it. You have that understanding. And if you really believe that you're not going to allow anything to stop you. And I think with that frame of thought. I just went full force forward. I had adversities and things that I had to deal with from family members. Some of them disappeared after I became Muslim and I would say they were replaced by better friends. And then I had those friends that. Maybe they disappeared for a while. But then when they realized what I was doing and that it wasn't a phase and that I'm still a Muslim and that they respected me for it because I spoke up and I stood my ground. And it didn't matter to me what anybody else thought about it. It didn't matter to me what my family members would say. Maybe it mattered to my family now that they have to walk around with someone who was dressed like a Muslim. But I would constantly remind them that the mother of Jesus also wore a veil and even the Catholic nuns.
It depends on who I was dealing with at the time maybe you know after awhile I there was no need for me to mention these things. It was a matter of them getting used to. You know it was like. You know well she's a Muslim now.
It's weird walking around with her looking like this because I'm not used to her like I'm used to her hair being out I'm used to her dressing a certain way looking a certain way. My male cousins are like well I can't play with your hair anymore or you know. I can't give you a hug because now there's that aspect of boundaries. I had to set those boundaries and stand firm by them. And once I did that, a lot of my family members had a hard time with it. It wasn't until years later that they began to support me in it. You know there was a lot of controversy. There was a lot of comments and hurtful things that were said and things I had to deal with. But. By the grace of God, I believe that made me stronger and it made me who I am today. 16,17 years later, my family supports me. They recognize me as a Muslim. They even sometimes praise the things that Muslims do.It feels good. So those things that were difficult back then have been replaced by a sense of ease. Well they're starting to get it get it. Finally they're starting to come to their senses and understand what it is that I'm doing. But had I not kept my conviction and had I not been as strong as I was they wouldn't have understood it. They would have called it a phase but because I am still a Muslim and because I am sincere. It shows and they respect me for that. So. I would say. It's taken a turn for for the better so I'm happy being Muslim. I don't let any misconceptions or gender role affect who I am.
You had mentioned oppression earlier. Oppression is a misconception. When I learned and it was one of the things that I studied. Because before I accepted Islam as my own faith. Quite honestly the only way I can put it to be blunt about it is. I was looking. For that one thing that I didn't agree with so I can say you know this religion is not for me. Why? Because change is difficult. When you start to think about all of the changes and all of the ways that you have to become better, it's a lot of pressure for anyone. Yeah. It's not easy. The easier thing to do is reject it and go back and go about your life. So I was looking for that thing in Islam that I did not agree with. So I looked into women's rights. When I first researched Islam, I looked into women's rights because I'm a strong character. So I felt like oppression is not right. Some of the things that I've read about or that the media portrayed to be of the Islamic religion, I realize we're actually not. These things were perhaps the cultural baggage that those people came with. Just like I have cultural baggage maybe those people also brought it to the end because they identify themselves as Muslims. So when I realized that when the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, came to the people, he came not just with the Revelation and guidance but he also came to bring rights to people. So he freed slaves. He gave rights to women that they didn't have when it comes down to like the rights of a husband and a wife the rights of a mother the rights of a sister the rights of a neighbor and the rights of inheritance. All of these things were not put in place before Islam. So the first wife of the Prophet Mohammad Khadija. She was a business woman. She hired him to work for her. And when you learn about these stories and you realize What oppression? What oppression! We look up to this sister the first wife of the prophet as an example for us. We learn about her life and how she was and how she treated the prophet. Why? Because we want to use them as examples.They're the people that we look up to that we want to be like. So. When I realized. That. She asked to marry him.
It was like oh she had a voice. She asked to hire him because he was known as the trustworthy one right. And because. She was interested in him. So all of these aspects. Of. You know the voice. The rise of the voice of the women and business. The right the the rights that she had to own her own business to manage her own money. The rights that she had to. Contribute if she wanted to you know reaping the blessings that it came with. I mean. The writers she was given as a wife. Is it goes on and on and on. She had the right. For her husband to provide a safe roof over her head. Food clothing all of the necessities. And. It's not a 50/50 type. I think that's a myth. Yeah. You know and it's fun you have your role. He has his role. So as a female. The wife the mother in the family you have your role. And he has his role. And then you have your role together. So when I understood. What those rules meant. I realized. That just makes. It just like it's so logical is such a logical religion. I mean I just couldn't I couldn't ignore it. And in my heart everything I learned my heart accepted it. And. I must say I don't see myself without Islam. Nobody is perfect but I love my life as a Muslim. I'm proud of it. I speak spanish everywhere. I want to make a point. I drive around with the Puerto Rican flag hanging from my rearview mirror because I want to make a point. It's about time people start to recognize that not all Muslims are Arabs or South Asians. There are Muslims all around the world. Islam is a religion for everyone.
How you experience discrimination based on race to cover? And if you are comfortable describing that?
But quite honestly I have I experienced discrimination. Well.
Not really. And if I did. If I did. I can tell you that I didn't notice it much. I mean. Trying to think back there was maybe this one time where. I walked into a grocery store to make a purchase. And the lady behind the counter was talking to me as if I didn't speak English. Putting emphasis on words and slowing down a little bit but I thought maybe that's how she communicates. I didn't take it personal. But when we walked out of the store, I had a friend who pointed it out and said “Do you realize what just happened?”
I'm like no what she was talking to you as if you didn't speak English. And I said Well. Maybe she didn't speak English but that's the only I. I promise you that is the only experience and that's nothing. That's nothing. And you know if I I've gotten books you know I've gotten books but that doesn't really. Affect me. It's like you know I smile if I can I'll smile. You know I think that. Even if they don't smile back. You know there's a lot of people. That I've. Come across. That Could have been a little bit nicer. I don't let it affect me just like I had to move in my you know it is not my issue.I don't take it personal. You know we all have things we need to work on.
In the media like you see violent hate crimes committed against like people like Muslim women. Has that made an impact on your decision to cover. how would you adjust your choice based on witnessing those crimes like this.
Yes there has been. Quite a few things. That. Have come about like you know shootings here and here we have reported on a couple in California who apparently you know went on a rampage with the terror attack. There has been. Some reports of you know. People maybe attacking a sister or trying to pull somebody's scarf off. I don't think that. I don't think that I am. You know. 100 percent Protected from any of that. It could happen to me. You never know I guess it's a matter of. You know if it's meant to be I might be at the wrong place at the wrong time and around the wrong person there's a lot of hate today in this day and age. A lot of misconceptions and just. To. Put myself in the mindset that I might become a victim of a hate crime.And allow that to stop me from who I am will not be freedom. It would be the definition of oppression. And as a Muslim. I refuse to be oppressed. In any way As a person. You know. As a Puerto Rican as a female, oppression is not something that I can tolerate. Therefore. I will allow myself to be enslaved in my own mind. The thing that. If I dressed like this or if I look like this. And I go out into society that I'm putting myself in danger. If I do that. I'll limit myself. I won't be free.
Is there anything that would make you change your decison?
No.
No of course.
How do you view other Muslim women who choose not to cover?
There are many sisters I know personally that don't cover. Yes. Maybe they'll dress modest though, wear a cardigan or maybe not. I can't judge them because Islam has taught me to look at what's in someone's heart and we can't go around judging people based on their appearance because there might be something really good about that person that's better to me with all of this clothes on. Being modest is more than just clothes. It's more than just fabric. It's what's in the heart. It's how you carry yourself and your values. There's a lot of Muslim women that don't cover. The question is do they worship? You know that's what we should be looking at if they worship God and whatever actions they do.Then that's between them and God. I can't judge. I can't discriminate. I'm not perfect. I can easily fall off. And to think that. That's not something possible for me would be ignorant in itself. I don't want to be arrogant and try and protect myself from thinking I'm better than anybody because I'm not.
There's a lot of Muslim sisters that don't cover because that is their choice. Now if you ask me. Is he Jabo chewies. Or is it mandatory. It i will. I will then change my answer around. And I'll tell you.
It's a commandment from God after the age of puberty. But because we have free will. We have that ability to choose whether or not we want to follow this commandment. But even though we're not following this particular commandment doesn't mean we're not Muslim. This Muslim sister that doesn't cover could be following all of the other commandments from God for all I know. We can't judge. It's what's in the heart and only God knows that. I don't view them as being disobedient or shameful or anything like that.
How do you feel when you hear people say the covering is a sign of repression and what is your perspective of countries that do require women to cover.
OK. So. I definitely don't think it's a sign of oppression. Let me speak for myself for when I started covering up. It became more of a liberation. Because I was taking myself away from the social norm of modern fashion or what modern media puts you know these beautiful. Celebrities out there. Displaying really nice. Samples of. What Modern fashion is. And. I'm not saying that I don't. Think that some of those outfits are hot. They are. I just you know know when to wear them.I'm not going to go out in public with it. I'm not going to display. My beauty in a certain way because. Everyone else is doing it. So. When I. Took myself. Out of that and said.
I want to do something different.I want to do something a little bit different. I have a culture. I want to take what's good from it and leave what's not. So how do I do that when it comes to fashion and dressing modest? So. As you can see today I'm wearing. A SKIRT. I mean you can get is that actually where did I get it. Forever 21. My shirt is from Express.
But how do I change it up? I'm not buying tight fitting clothes.
My shirt is an extra large.
It might not look like it. Maybe it's made up. It's. One size or two bigger than what. Modern.
Fashion would say my size is. You get it. So to make it fit less revealing. I sort of use these these tricks. You know still be you know attending to my fashion sense to my identity as an American Puerto Rican Muslim. But not compromising my faith and my religious beliefs. So that's what I. You know. I try to go for when I'm shopping for clothing items. And you know. I've actually been able to transition my wardrobe throughout the years to accommodate this sense of fashion. It's a new me. It's let's bring modesty back. That's you know bring that sense of respect.
I shouldn't have to be look at that and imagined or thought of in any sexual way you know feel like you know it's wrong. You know I'm not an object. You know. So. It keeps me away from being objectified it keeps me away from. You know being disrespected or put in that realm of you know sexuality. And it feels good to be outside.And if somebody does so that's between them and God. I'm not going to be held responsible for it because I'm doing my part as best as I could. God knows what my intention is. God knows what my intention was when I left this morning before I left the house while I was getting dressed. And putting my outfit together. My frame of thought was fine and something modest.
And I look at the transparency of the fabric. I look at the way at least I look at the length and color really doesn't. Mean anything in particular. In some countries women mostly wear black.
If you if you go to like Middle East like Saudi Arabia but not everyone does. I was just in Medina. I was also in Mecca at the beginning of the year and they have different styles. You know Indonesian Muslims dress different you know Chinese Muslims. American must we you know like I had a button down shirt loose fit long shirt.
It's actually a stress. I call it a dress because your dress and I use it as a shirt.
Why do I take a dress that's meant to be you know like a dress to be worn with tights and I use it as a reg'lar shirt. Yeah. You know so I play around with what is available. I wore that shirt to Saudi Arabia which is not the norm and I stood out. I know I did but I was OK with that. You know it was still modest and I was OK with that. I'm not a Saudi you know. You know I have some outfits that are Middle Eastern and Pakistani or you know Indian inspired so I don't discriminate. Yes. You know I get creative with it. It's definitely not seen in my in my eyes as a form of oppression. Now you have some countries that require that you cover in public with the exception of some Of the American embassy compounds. You don't have to cover within those compounds. But I can't really speak too much on the political side. You know just recently. Women were given the right to drive. With a bunch of regulations attached to it but they can drive now whereas before they were not. So a lot of these laws are politically established or implemented. Some of the have a basis in Islam and some of them don't.
Like for instance in Saudi Arabia. They control what is shown on the television to a certain extent. What is broadcasted on the radio. But then there's ways around that people have. Is it's I guess to preserve a sense of dignity within the society. I am being brought up in America and have seen how loose we are here. And the language that we use sometimes all you hear. Are. You. Using or the music the words and the music. The movies that are shown. We are exposed to so much more than those of growing up in a Middle Eastern society. We're exposed to it and it affects us in a way that we might not even realize.
So I can see the benefit of it. I don't knock it completely. You know. I'm not... I'm not against it. I understand the wisdom behind it. And there may be some things that are a little bit much like when I went to Saudi Arabia and we went to a restaurant.
We Wanted to order some food. We're really hungry after prayer. We were like let's go get something to eat. So we go get some tea and then the guy comes to the window and did not want to serve us because we were on the wrong side.
So he tries to explain this to us in Arabic. I said I understand a little. My friends we're all American.
There was one Pakistani but she's like recent convert as well because she just started practicing her religion. She didn't have an Islamic upbringing. The other one was a Mexican/Puerto Rican Muslim who also converted to Islam. We're all fluent in English. One and all do as a second language. The other one is Spanish as a second language as well as myself. I speak a little bit and understand more than I could speak of Arabic. Yeah.Right.
So we're at this counter and we want food. We're hungry. We're all hungry.
And we want a place in order. And the guys telling us that we have to go. He's signaling that we have to go around to the sisters section. To order from the sisters section. So that was an experience that was different. So.
We were just like what just happened? I'm like he's trying to go somewhere else. I don't know where he seemed to go but I think he's telling us to go to the sister section. So.
When we go around, we see the same restaurant I like oh let's order from here this must be the sister section.
So we go up to the counter and there's nobody at the counter. We go up to the counter. And wait! The same guy from the other side.
Mind you, we had to go around. It was like a block. It was like a street corner like Peninsula almost like it was.